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Friday, May 28, 2010

#Consumer Protection

I'm doing this post because I have appointed MYSELF the new CPA (Consumer Protection Agency)...

As I have said before... I HATE being called a f'ing consumer...

The total sh*t that 'consumers' have to be willing to put up with is ridiculous...

Now days most people need to go to law school just to be able to figure out what is in the f'ing contract they are signing...

Fine print, over the decades, has become a deadly weapon of mass destruction in the hands of all corporations. It's difficult to find a corporation for which this does NOT apply.

As an example I am displaying, for your reading pleasure lol, a fairly standard advertisement complete with all the 'enticement to buy' plus the fine print in print that is... the same size as the rest of the print here! WOOHOO! lol

The control of law is one of the things that helps an oligarchy / kleptocracy operate efficiently... The law is for them, not us lowly consumers...


The particular advertisement that I received just yesterday is replete with exclamations about how absolutely WONDERFUL the offer is including...

We're enhancing your neighborhood's (blanking) experience!

Your area has new (fill in the blank)!

We are committed to providing you the best (whatever it happens to be)!

FREE! (After mail in rebate)

We will give you something of value BUT you have to agree to pester us for weeks or months to get the mail-in rebate we promised and then, if you do that, we're going to send you a 'Promotional Card' rather than actual money... And oh yeah... by the way, you'll also have to agree to pay us $20.00 a month and we'll also need you to sign up for a 2 year contract which we can then use at will to F you repeatedly against your will (ie; rape) and, as you'll find in our fine print section, there is absolutely nothing you can do about ANYTHING we decide to do to you once you sign your name on the dotted line...

(I think the dab above is likely REQUIRED by the government of the United States... Apparently, in the past, companies could F you in any way they pleased without any warning at all!)

That's the end of the front cover of the ad... Not too horrible yet... But just wait... it gets worse... much worse...

(Backside, as in if you sign this contract we will be in yours)

Our (fill in the blank) is stronger than ever!

FREE! (after mail-in rebate (that you will likely never receive anyway...))

Get a FREE whatever the F it is that they are "giving away")!

Do this and that with our new (piece of crap made from PLASTIC with a dab of electronics) that really delivers!

We have the hottest (not to mention coolest, greatest, must have or you might experience envy) exclusive (pieces of crap made from PLASTIC with a dab of electronics)! <-- yes... another exclamation point... jeeze...

Please note their use of the exclamation marks... They really bug me because they seem to imply that everyone is a total idiot...

And now, also from the back, taking up close to 25% of the printable area there, the fabled FINE PRINT! (For your reading convenience I have made it the SAME SIZE PRINT!)

Other conditions and restrictions apply. (conditions and restrictions? WTF?!) See contract and rate plan brochure for details. (What if I can't find the freaking contract and rate plan brochure? Where TF is it anyway?!)

Subscriber must live and have a mailing address within (whatever TF we say).

(Piece of crap made from PLASTIC with a dab of electronics) price and availability may vary by market and may not be available from (ANYONE BUT US!). Here's the actual 'deal' on the (Piece of crap made from PLASTIC with a dab of electronics) which involves something called a 'Promotional Card'?! The actual price is 49.95... which is likely what you'll end up paying because we aren't shy about charging you for it at all... HOWEVER that price IS before $50.00 mail-in rebate 'Promotional Card'.

Contract REQUIRES purchase of a two-year plan agreement and MINIMUM $20.00/mo. (FOR US) to even QUALIFY for the "discount" (yeah right! WTF ever!) price. Allow 60 days for 'Promotional Card' fulfillment (But... I still don't even know WTF it IS yet?!) Card may be used only in the US, is valid for 120 days after issuance date but is not redeemable for cash and cannot be used for cash withdrawal at ATMs or automated gasoline pumps. (So... WTF IS it for again???) Card request must be postmarked within 45 days of activation and you must be an active customer for 30 consecutive days to receive Card. (And then WTF am I supposed to do with it after I receive it? I'm just a stupid consumer and I'm not following you here...).

Subject to availability. (WHAT?! So I may NOT get it at all?! Even though I don't know WTF it is FOR yet... Only that it's 'promotional'.)

See participating store for details. (Oh! First I have to run down a copy of the F'ing 'contract and rate plan brochure' to get some 'details'. And THEN I have to go to the 'store' for details? Who TF HAS the details at the store?! The idiot minimum wage guy/gal at the register? A manager? Or is there an entire F'ing wall covered with fine print for my reading pleasure at the store?)

Offer is non-transferable and valid only at participating location. (WHAT?! So I may not be able to get the offer at all then?!) Limit one per customer. (Ah darn...) Offer has no cash value. (Meaning it's a worthless piece of sh*t???) Cannot be combined with other promotions or discounts. Photocopies not accepted.

(piece of crap made from PLASTIC with a dab of electronics) return policy/Early Termination Fee: None if cancelled [sic] in the first 30 days, but up to $50 restocking fee may apply to equipment returns; thereafter up to $175. ("thereafter up to $175" WTF?! What did I MISS?! So does this mean someone can arbitrarily decide to charge me up to $175.00 at their own discretion?!) Some agents impose additional fees. (WHAT?! You mean additional fees on top of the $175.00 restocking fee?!)

Sales tax calculated on unactivated price of (piece of crap made from PLASTIC with a dab of electronics). Early termination fee subject to change. (WHAT?! So ALL that crap I just forced myself to read is totally worthless because you can decide to charge MORE at any time for any reason?! Is that what you mean?!)

Offer available while supplies (of pieces of crap made from PLASTIC with a dab of electronics) last. (So you really don't have to do much of anything that you say you might do, do you?)

(This particular portion of the offer) Available only with select rate plans. (So do you mean we can only get it if we pay you more money? Is that what it means?)

Only (this and that) are eligible. (Who TF by this point knows eligible for WHAT?!)

For additional terms see (this URL that is difficult to type, long and complicated, if you don't manually add the www. you won't get there). (AND after you DO get there plan on reading FINE PRINT until the end of eternity! I'm talking about THOUSANDS of words of legalese... With STILL MORE LINKS to MORE FINE PRINT! In case you haven't got enough of it... Give up yet?)

Some of the cool features we are giving you will expire (sorry about that). And some of the stuff doesn't even qualify for it anyway... (sorry about that).

By the way, 'unlimited' isn't REALLY unlimited... it's kinda LIKE unlimited but nothing is really unlimited now is it?

Oh yeah... IF you do anything that we don't like it is (and will likely remain) our option to 1> terminate you (no not really... lol but we can terminate your service...) 2> immediately prevent you from doing whatever it was you were doing that we didn't like 3> or... we can change your whole freaking plan/agreement/contract around at our pleasure to get more money out of you... If we WANT to :P


Ok... so you can probably figure out what particular industry this advertisement was for... But it FAR from exclusive to them! It's phone companies... it's cable/satellite companies... it's retailers... it's basically every f'ing corporation on the planet... This sh*t is ALL F'ED UP!

WE, Americans, citizens, people of the world can easily put a STOP to this sh*t merely by REFUSING to play the game! STOP signing YOUR NAME on the dotted line as long as the FINE PRINT continues to say that 'they' can F you endlessly, change your contract/agreement ANY TIME THEY LIKE, terminate YOU for any reason, and all the rest...

This is BULLSH*T and it MUST stop!

Thanks ;)


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